Don't Get Me Started
by Crazy Cherries
Summary: "TenTen? Why is your tongue down Gaara's throat?" "Hmm? Oh, did you not get the memo? I'm breaking up with you." Sakura and Ino need to fear for their lives. What have they done? "What do you mean? It's all your fault, Piggy! I did nothing to them." Crack
1. Started

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto._

_Read "Naruto's Ramen" and "Neji and Ramen" 1__st__!_

**Don't Get Me Started**

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"Forehead!" Ino calls out to Sakura (who just happened to be passing by the Yamanaka flower shop).

"What is it Piggy? I'm a very busy person."

"Yeah, right!" She snorts, sounding exactly like a pig. "Listen, I heard that Neji and TenTen broke up!"

"What? Why?" Sakura's jogging in place, she really does have somewhere to go.

"Well, she said that he was a crazy, whiny, good-for-nothing, baby."

"Why would she say that? She's been in love with him for years!"

"Well…remember when we tried to get them together…"

"No. That was your job, I was working on Naruto and Hinata remember?"

"Yeah, but it was your ramen."

"Don't tell me you went overboard." Sakura sighs; she'll never be on time now.

"Well…just a little and now it's all ruined. TenTen doesn't like Neji anymore so she broke up with him and Neji…well he's freaking out."

"I'm never letting you go solo again. Face it Piggy, without me, your plans are crap!"

"I admit it! So what are we going to do?"

"Make a ramen-like statue of TenTen, I have to go to a meeting with the Kazekage. We'll see how the fake TenTen goes, maybe Neji won't be afraid of ramen anymore and TenTen will take him back?"

"Okay!" Ino heads of towards Ichiraku while Sakura heads towards the Hokage Tower.

As soon as Sakura could, she headed off to find Ino. When she did…well she could tell things were not good. Not good at all.

"Hey Piggy, why so down?" Ino was sitting on the bridge and staring down at the water.

"Neji took one look at my ramen TenTen and knocked it down. He said he's going gay and he's over girls. I told this to TenTen and she said she didn't care she likes someone else now. I broke them up because I was stupid."

"Aw, Piggy." Sakura put her arm around Ino, "You're always stupid. Neji and TenTen weren't meant to be. Besides, I had a feeling Neji was gay from the beginning. I mean do you not see his hair? It's time he accepted his inner gayness. It's not your fault!"

"You're right!" Ino stands up on the bridge and does her disturbing happy dance. "I'm a super hero! We'll get Neji a guy just as gay as he is! And we'll find TenTen a nice guy who'll treat her right." Ino smiles down at Sakura.

"That's right Pig! Feel the power!"

"Thanks Forehead. And I have a question for you."

"Yeah?"

"Did Sasuke break up with you yet? Cuz that boy needs to hug his inner self just like Neji."

"Sasuke's not gay!" Sakura held out her hand to show Ino the engagement ring on it. "He asked me to marry him last night, so there!" Sakura sticks her tongue out at the blonde.

"Maybe Suigetsu or Karin."

"Karin's a girl."

"She looks like a guy."

"Touché!" They don't like Karin. "But, let's work on TenTen first. Neji…well Neji is crazy. I only do sane people. Neji's your fault; you can't possibly screw him up anymore. You work on him. I got Tenny."

"Fine! I'll match Neji up with someone all on my own."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"You said TenTen likes someone else now. Who?"

"Gaara."

"What? No way! I was just at a meeting with him!"

"Yeah, I know. Neji freaked when he saw them together."

"What happened?"

"Well…"

_Neji (who was getting saner by the minute) was walking towards the training grounds. He figured today would be perfect. Wake up early. See no Naruto. Train with TenTen. See no ramen. Go on a date with TenTen. See no Naruto. Kiss TenTen goodnight. See no ramen. And go to bed, to start the whole day all over again._

_When he got to the training grounds, though, all of his plans died. And went to hell._

"_TenTen? __Why is your tongue down Gaara's throat?" Neji's voice came out weak._

_"Hmm? Oh, did you not get the memo? I'm breaking up with you." And she went back to kissing Gaara._

_All of Neji's saneness disappeared into nothing and he ran to hide in the Ichiraku ramen stand where surely he'd see Naruto and ramen and he'd forget all of this ever happened._

"Wow. That's really…messed up." Sakura shrugs. "At least it makes my job easier. All I have to do is get them together and demand they go on a date. See you Piggy!"

"Bye, Forehead." Ino says, thinking. Her job's going to be hard.

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_Hey people. Slight change of plans. _

_I've decided to make this into two chapters._


	2. Ended

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. And I'm not okay with that._

**Don't Get Me Started

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Sakura was humming as she walks down the streets of Konoha. She's looking for Gaara and/or TenTen. Sakura's pretty sure they're doing one of the following:

Avoiding her.

Not avoiding her.

Avoiding her but making her think they aren't avoiding her.

None of the above.

Sakura puts her hand on her chin and thinks about it for all of five minutes before she sees Gaara's red hair.

"AHA! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!" She screeches and heads towards the park. Running towards where she saw his hair she's wondering how to confront them. Nothing, however prepared her for what she saw. You could honestly say that not even Hinata was that red before.

Ino was doing some (weird) dance as she walked down the streets of Konoha. She's looking for Neji. He wasn't at Ichiraku's under the sink where he was last seen so Ino's pretty sure he's doing the following:

Avoiding her.

Avoiding Naruto and/or ramen.

Playing with his hair.

Back with the (fake) psychiatrists.

Suddenly Ino stopped dancing. She'd seen a swish of Neji's (not so) manly hair. He can't hide from her forever she thinks.

"AHA! YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME!" She shrieks (like a banshee) and heads towards the park. Running towards where she saw the swish of his hair she's wondering how to confront him. Nothing, however prepared her for what she saw. You could honestly say that not even _she _had done this before.

"Sakura?" Ino.

"Ino?" Sakura.

"What are you doing here?" Simultaneous.

"So are Gaara and TenTen." Sakura looks down…at…them. Both girls are flustered. Even more so than when they saw Shizune and (shudder) Genma.

"Yeah. I can see."

"I really don't think we should get mixed up in this."

"Yeah, but it's our fault that they're all confused."

"Ours?" Sakura raises a brow.

"Okay, okay, mine, but I sucked you into this so you have to help."

"Fine, what do we do now?"

"Take pictures and sell them to Naruto? I bet he'd love to get revenge on Neji."

"As soon as they came to their senses they'd kill us. ESPECIALLY GAARA!"

"True…why don't we just observe I've never seen this before."

"…_sigh_ Fine. It is really interesting."

The two girls stared at the play that was going on. Currently Neji was (pretending to be) dead on the ground. TenTen and Gaara were making out when suddenly Neji's ghost came out of his body.

"I will kill you **mortal **for stealing my woman!" says the Neji ghost.

"I ain't your woman, fool!"

"She's right! She's my woman now!"

"I ain't your woman either! I'm out, piece."

"TenTen! That isn't your line." Neji pouts.

"So! It can be my line if I want it to be."

"I'm confused." Ino says.

"Aren't we all? HEY!" The cast turns to look at Sakura.

"What?" Gaara asks. He's kind of pissed right now.

"What's going on? I thought that TenTen and Neji broke up and that TenTen left Neji for you and then when I heard the groans outside I thought that you guys were having some sort of threesome but you're obviously not, so what's going on?"

"This was all a distraction." Gaara says.

"What?" Sakura asks, confused.

"SAND COFFIN!" And suddenly Sakura's swallowed up by sand.

"SAKURA!" Ino shrieks. "DON'T DIE UNTIL I'M FAR ENOUGH AWAY!" Ino doesn't want to die, and she doesn't believe in that whole no _wo_man left behind BS.

Ino doesn't get far, though because Neji is blocking the door and TenTen's blocking the windows.

In an eerie voice TenTen says, "You ruined my life with Neji, you Yamanaka Ino will pay." And she unleashes a series of shuriken and kuni and other such things from her scrolls of death. Ino screams.

Just before they hit her though, they stop. Ino (who'd been covering her head in fatal position on the floor) looks up. "Wha-?" Sakura's laughter is heard. "Forehead?" Ino looks around confused.

Sakura drops from the 'sand coffin' "Hey, Piggy!"

"What? But you died! Gaara captured you AND WHAT THE FRICK IS GOING ON?"

"Well, simple, really." Neji says while putting an arm around TenTen. "You're really easy to fool."

"What do you mean?" Ino's pouting. She feels so left out.

"I'll explain" Sakura says, putting her arm around Ino's shoulders, "See, this is what happened. After Neji got over his whole "ramen-and-Naruto-are-out-to-kill-me" fiasco, he and TenTen found out that Gai and Lee actually _were_ the psychiatrists. They aren't that dumb you know." Neji and TenTen nod and glare at Ino.

"So they made Gai tell them who set them up to pretending to be a psychiatrist, Lee wouldn't cooperate because he was frozen in fear. Anyway, Gai ended up with telling them the whole story. They wanted to get you back for traumatizing them, even if you got them together. So they came to me."

"Why to you?"

"I'm getting to that! They came to me because I'm your partner in crime. They wanted to know why I hadn't been helping you, when I learned their story I felt bad for them and I wanted to get you back for the whole being mean to Tonton thing. She's a really nice pig and now she'll never sniff again."

"She's dead?" Ino asks hopefully.

"No, she's in an Ino-induced-coma. Anyway, back to the story, so we needed some guy to make it seem like they broke up. Since Gaara was in town and we didn't know how long this little thing would last we asked-"

"Blackmailed." Gaara deadpanned.

"Blackmailed him to help us."

"How'd you blackmail Gaara?"

"It's a long story, Pig, shut up and just listen to this one."

"Anyway, all-in-all we wanted you to suffer, you did, plan over. Let's go TenTen." Neji says, towing TenTen towards the door.

"We're going to put your pictures of sacredness on the net!" TenTen calls over Neji's shoulder.

"I have to go too." That leaves Ino and Sakura.

"Forehead, I can't believe you did this to me!"

"I can't believe you never figured it out. Maybe I should be an actress…"

"You aren't pretty enough Forehead."

"Shut up Pig."

"Hey, I have just one question."

A sigh, then, "What?"

"Is Neji really kind of gay?"

"…You know, I don't really know."

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_That didn't turn out how you guys thought it would did you?_

_Well it didn't turn out like I thought it would either. I was kind of pissed cuz my dentist messed up my mouth now it's hard to chew and all that crap so I just started writing this and I wasn't paying attention and this is what it amounted to!_

_I kind of liked it better than the one I was originally going to do, if you didn't I'm sorry. _

_Either way, just don't forget to __**Review**__!_

_That's the end of this fanfic._


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